Burthday Gurl
by acrossthegarden
Summary: the tales of a young girl in prison dun dun dun LOL - Lots Of Lemon
1. Chapter 1

once upon a time, irt was clarissa's birthday.

she woke up. "WHAT THE FUCK IT'S M,Y BIRTHDAY~!" ad then she sent sala a text saying it's her bitrhday.

clarissa got out of bed. hm what shud i wear today she thinks. she pulls out a dress. but then she decided to just go out naked because why the frick not man.

so like then she got arrested for public indecency and shit and she wasl ike "UGH" and she got senteced to prison and taken their immediate

when she was in the prison she got htrown in the cell with... the one and only...

"NIALL HORAN1!" she screamed (and also creamed wink wink)

"fuck yeah shit haaha hwy are u in prison yo"

"uh like i went ouside naked"

niall laffed and drank a beer. "i'm in here because i stole some food! XD also i'm gonna bust a cap in ur ass idk what the means i saw someone on tumblr say it"

"hey niall how did they let u bring a bear in here"

"what the fcuk mate ok it's spelled beer not bear also i have a beer because i hid it up my ass"

"ouch that must have hurt can we fuck"

"no"

"but like it's my birthday"

he busted a cap in her ass that day

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like two weeks later clarissa was really sad cuz no one bailed her out of priso

her and niall went back into their cell aftrer eating din and niall was like "hey remember when i busted a cap in ur ass"

and clarrissa was like "ha yeah that hurt"

niall got down on one knee... "well... iapologize. and 2 make it up to you..."

he ripped off his orange jumpsuit and began poledancing on the bars. clarissa clapped and wooped and if she had any money she would have put it in his boobs wait no he doens't have boobs nvm but like

niall put one of the poles between his asscheeks and slid up adn down it and it was really hot

afterwerds clarissa and niall made swwdeet sweetr lovings while clarissa thought about the 12 other dudes she liked

"GASP!" miall screamed "UR THINKING ABOUT OUTHER GUYS WHILE FUCKING ME"

"omg howod' u nknow" clarissa said

"u just called me rashi-matthew!" niall took his peepee out and went and cried on the other side of the room.

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another 2 weeks lateor clafrissa like pissed her period and shit and was like "UGH II MIGHT BE PRENGANTR,"

niall was still crying in the corner but he flipped her off and was like "IS IT EVEN MINE!"

gthen clarissa is like "yo the only other person i've ever had sex with was this dog this one time but i was drunk and i don't like to talk about it ok but ur gonna support this baby whetehr u like it or not!"

niall was like "no" and then opned up the cell and walked out

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**what the fuck adm ia SDOign**

**omfg that was actually really fun to write i think imma keep it up even thought one day i was planning to use this account for actual fics whatever this is better bye**


	2. Chapter 2

2 weeks later

clarissa was offically a month pregnant. and she was like "UGH DAMN I"M CRAVING AN SHIT" but like the prison only let her eat during specific hours so she wasa like DAMN

she was feeling p sad bc not only was she a month pregnant... it was the motnh aniverarsary of niall taking her v card. like literally he stole her fucking visa card. he'd been gone for two weeks now and proabbly spent all her money which pissed her off bc that was hEr money and he was rich and famous so like why fcouldn't he pay for shit?/

clarissa walked up to the bars and grabbed them. how the fucK did niall jsut open them and wakl out?/ she tried everything. kicking them, eating them, licking them, fucking them, the whole bees knees is that sayging even appllicaple here idk

but yeah then she like layed down and shit to cry bc she loved niall so much but he didn't love her back anymore :'( also she never got a birthday present that's what this whole story was supposed to be about but it took a wrong turn somewhere along the road and yea

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a month later

now clarissa was two months pregnant. she was showing a wee bit but it was probably just normal fat because she had taken to eating her own mattress out of boredom wtf

she was woke up by a police offuser who brought her in to a room. she gapsed. IT WAS NIALL!11

"hey clarissa it's niall i'm here to give u back ur visa card also bc i hate you that's all i wanted bye" and he opended up the doors and walked out again

clarissa dropped to her knees, picked up the visa card and shouted "WHY~?!"

her life was so hard :'(

-2240-88-***-23 #$$$

a month later

now clarissa was three months pregnant and she kept getting morning sickness

she threw up on her jumpsuit

and now it wasn't an orange jumpsuit

it was a barf jumpsuit


	3. Chapter 3

a motnh later

now clarissa was four months pregnant. she began experiencing extreme mood swingss and one day sala visited her.

"omg! hi sala i haven't seen u in months where have u been!"

"i was playing spyro the dragon duh" shannon no wait she's named sala. sala loled

"u were playing spyro the dragon for 5 months instead of bailing me out?!1 HOW FUCKING DARE U U STUPID BITHC!" clarissa mood swing'd

"ok i'm kidding i was playing super smash brothers i just needed to say spyro the dragon somewhere in this fic so it could be under the right category calm ur tits"

"o lol ok"

so then like sala and clarissa talked and sala bailed her out of jail! yay!

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another month later

now clarissa was 5 months pregnant and u could clearly tell she was pregnany

she called niall

he missed it

she called niall

he missed

she left her name and her number hoping he'd get back to her

then clarissa went to go eat some icde cream and cry

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another month later

clarissa was 6 months pregnant. niall never got back to her

she began experiencing pains in ehr tummy so she went to the hospital scared she might be in premature labor

after the cockter omFG I MEANT TO WRITE DOCTOR AND I HOLY SHIT I'M LAUHGING SO HARD ok let's go with it tho so like the cockter was like "um those aren't labor pains. it's bowel pains. u have to take a shit"

"oh lol i'm so embarrassed sorry!1 can i have a sonogram tho i wanna know the gender ofg my baby!"

the cockter was like ya sure and he got out the machine and put goop on her belly then put the stick thing on her

"itl ooks like the gender of ur baby is... transpenguin homobidextrous pangender otherkin"

"wat"


	4. Chapter 4

**Darkness Oversoul: this is a v serious fanfic. no trrollin. also only bitchass niggas b ownin ipads,**

**-0-93094-23945-093245-09**

another month later

clarissa was now 7 motnhs pregnant!1111! she moved in with dsala who got a job at the dildo factory. one daty sala came home from work with a dildo and was liek here shove this up ur vag so clarissa did and tHE BABY ATE IT!1!

then sala was like "ok that was a test to see what hyou should name them. since them ate it u have to call them dildo"

"hell no bitch i ain't callin my baby dildo!"

"well if it's anythin like u then he should like it oOOOOOOOOOh" sala snapped in a z formation

she got bitch slapped

"ok then... name tjem... pepsi!"

"omg that's a real cute name! where'd u get that idea from!" clarissa asked

"oned promoed it on tv and i was like wow maybe if we name the baby pepsi they'll pay us!"

so it was decided. the penguin-homo-pan-kin would be named pepsi

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another month later!

CLARISSA WAS IN LABOR! 4 WEEKS EARLY~~~!

the cockter was like ok piush! so clarissa screamed and cried and then out popped the baby who was also screaming and crying

"so what are u naming them?" the cockter asked

"pepsi 333"

"what the fuck"

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1 motnah later

clarissa was breastfeedin pepsi when she turned on tv. guess who she sees. nuakll horan rockoin up mtv

she calls up sala

she already knows and she's got tickets to see his show

she tags along

and stands in thr crowd

looks up at the man that impregnated her

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD SUPPORT!"

"WHERE MY FUCKIN CHILD SUPPORT!"


End file.
